It's the same morning....same golden rays of sun seeping in through the rainbow-coloured glass of my window.....lovely hues.... oh its blinding me....take it away.....
Why is it.....that there are days....when you wake up to see only darkness around..... darkness that wants to pull you into its realm..... like the black hole..... unending..... encapsulating...... like the matrix......"You Can Check In.... But Never Check Out......."
Maybe why i'm feeling this way today is because...i have a hangover.....i read LOVE STORY by Erich Segal last night before i dozed off..... :> Written in block letters on the cover page of the book are the lines....."LOVE means never having to say you're sorry".
Thought about it for a long time..... Why is it that we want to believe in unconditional love but never "ever" find something like that??
Does it really exist??
I have the answer to that question........YES it does....... but you'll have to venture out....delve deep into the black hole......experience pain....sorrow........loss......tears...... before you can ever find it...... I've been trying hard too..... almost from the time i lost my best friend five years back..... she left.....and with her......took away my faith....in unconditional love....
It feels like it was ages ago that it happened.....the memories are frozen....well then if they are......why am i writing down this...... because the ice melted away yesterday..... it took me a long time..... to come to terms with the reality that people... you give your life to.....can take it away from you..... and all you are left with is ...."yourself"...... it took courage on my part to start trusting people again.......with myself.......my feelings..... my fears.....and most importantly.....my "HAPPINESS".......
And BANG !!...........it happened all over again...... blood oozing out of the wound again..... unstoppable.......
I lost another friend...... and the words.......oh they were deafening......."I'm sorry if i've hurt you"!! and i thought that love meant......never having to say you are sorry..... ??
It feels that i need to begin all over again...... from the scratch..... will I be able to do it?? Will i be able to love people the same way again?? I don't know...... i wish i could get out of this black hole...... i wish i could wander around the galaxies......amidst the stars...... i wish that it never did hurt so much after all....... i wish i was a small child...... and you could bring back the smile on my face by placing a candy in my hand........ Can't help it......can I?? Have to face reality.....
That's why they say that the worst part about loving someone... is to place all your trust in that person........and then........lose it all one day.......
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- I'm still a mystery to myself. I wake up each day feeling different... about the things around me... an eternal optimist..never say die spirit... and firm believer in the fact that... when you're caught in the midst of darkness..you'll either have to find something to stand on...or you'll have to learn how to fly !!
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thats why they probably say. don't look at a person's external beauty and love him/her. rather look at them as ppl u wanna trust and love . maybe u will find that person maybe u won't , but like a diamond is found in a coal mine ,a very beautiful person may exist right by your side and u won't know . happens wit everyone. and my word, u have started writing some pretty amazing stuff. big fan of yours now. and not all love is lost . some exist in the shadows. u gotta search the right places
:) Very interesting post, Samreen.
Perhaps you might look at it another way as well. Life here on earth is temporary. It always was and probably always will be. True love isn't. Is it possible that this is the reason why there is no common ground between them?
We are fickle people, capable of loving some people more than others. Looking for the one person for us is just our way of making ourselves happy, isn't it? How hard it is to love everyone the same way, no matter how they are. And how hard it is to love unconditionally.
Perhaps love is just an emotion then, keeping us alive till we go to the next world. Nothing more than hormones :).
Just another point of view. Keep your chin up, sweety.
samreen... dude
this one absolutely rocks... n the othas too...
m forced to think.... i neva really knew u b4 this...lol..n 3 yrs it's been...
'love'..well ..all i can say that it's pretty complex...
u neva know wat happened till it's happened beyond repair....
neway...ure good dame... love this pc
will surely keep visitin ya blog...
Hey Samreen,
While reading your blogs I felt like i was reading someone's personal diary! It was so honest that it felt like a late night chat.. with a best friend. Its intriguing.. human fears come in the way of some beautiful and memorable conversations. We meet so many 'Best Friends' in life and do not even realise what we lose while we walk on.. further into our journey and dont even miss "the night which never could be".. but the blog gave me hope.. not so much has been missed..(!)..
hi samreen ... v haven't talked much i guess but can't keep myself from praising such a work of art n honesty... i can smell life in it...
well....about unconditional love.... i firmly believe that one expects something from every relationship... even a mother 'expects' her child to make her happy jus by his\her presence... n starts expecting this even be4 she beholds the child. there r different levels of expectations.... materialistic being the shallowest. in fact, i believe that an expectation is necesary to keep a relationship alive... v humans.. how much v deny... have a subconcious logic of barter running inside us behind every task v do (else u wudn't have been pissed off by the parasites.. they jus take .. they don't give)... hence there is possibly nothing as 'unconditional love' or unconditional anything... what v call unconditional has a latent condition or expectation... that belongs to a much deeper an imperceptile level than the ordibary materialistic (.. or the next deep... emotional) expectations... if u can truly experience unconditional love then u can never b turned down by it... that's coz u have never expected anything frm it.. not even 'never saying sorry'... so whatever the other person does or says.. since it does not contradict any of your expectations (coz there r no expectations) hence u'll never have blood oozing.
if u r equal with my perception of human relations then plz try out one thing for me... try out a relation that is absolutely 'unconditional'.. not even the subliminal conditions or expectations... if u succeed then i'm sure that u'll never ever regret that relationship... and if u succeed then do tell me... i'm waiting to change my belief that there is possibly nothing as 'unconditional love' or unconditional anything ... best of luck
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