Alpviraam

Spider web is tangled up in me

2011-08-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

This is not about being cynical. This is not even about being angry. This is about demanding a decent, respectful and peaceful life for oneself. We can become distant from the things we cherish if pushed to the limit. It’s happening now. I am happy alone. And for now that’s what matters.

2011-07-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

..songs.. remind me of the bygone days...

2011-05-30T10:58:00.001-07:00

Fear needs to fly out of the window. Life needs to fly in.

2011-05-17T16:42:00.001-07:00

I knew your name in the before.... now I'm in the after....

2011-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

Unavailable. Unpredictable.

2011-04-23T17:50:00.001-07:00

To exist in an eternal void of emptiness
And hear the sound of every beat inside you
To nurture the soul with the strength it needs
Triumph over the infinite black hole.

2011-02-04T22:23:00.001-08:00

The truth has been in front of us the whole time....

2010-11-08T19:55:00.000-08:00

..and you wonder if you have the strength for new beginnings... if you can dream.... laugh... live... if faith and belief still mean the same...

Jack Kerouac Makes me smile

2010-11-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

"I felt like lying down by the side of the trail and remembering it all. The woods do that to you, they always look familiar, long lost, like the face of a long-dead relative, like an old dream, like a piece of forgotten song drifting across the water, most of all like golden eternities of past childhood or past manhood and all the living and the dying and the heartbreak that went on a million years ago and the clouds as they pass overhead seem to testify (by their own lonesome familiarity) to this feeling. Ecstacy, even, I felt, with flashes of sudden remembrance, and feeling sweaty and drowsy I felt like sleeping and dreaming in the grass."

- Kerouac

2010-11-01T21:00:00.001-07:00

Whatever helps you sleep at night....

2010-07-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Innocence. The single thing that defines us.

2010-07-18T21:42:00.001-07:00

Pole Dance in a Club- Check.

2010-02-14T19:46:00.000-08:00

Why does the truth make everything else seem like a lie?

2010-01-25T19:41:00.001-08:00

"Man doesn't choose the moment... the moment chooses the Man".

2010-01-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

6. De-clutter !

5. Do I really need this?

4. Possimpable.....

3. Yoga like-state to be maintained beyond Yoga hours...

2. Keep Running !

and last.... Wait for it..... here it comes....

1. Be AWESOME !!

2009-09-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Amazing things happen. All the time.

I love the part of my day when I'm walking back from the gym at 8 pm. Listening to my shuffle...and gazing at the majestic buildings around me. I wonder sometimes...How did I get here?

I crib and crib and crib...about work whole day, but the truth is-I love my life right now.

I'm a "Blue Devil" !! Yeah !!

2009-09-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

I wake up every morning... no more snoozing the alarm.. and can't goto sleep...so many dreams.... I'm living it again...the way I planned... years back... but I can't smell those flowers... I don't have my bike... and not as many friends. Things Change...but what the hell....Life goes on...

2009-08-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

Love you guys.

Seriously.

2009-07-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

My last post, 3 days back, pretty much conveyed what I was/am feeling. Tired. I have a huge bump on my head which doesn't make it easier for the thoughts to come through. And somehow I have this feeling creeping through me-I've had it in the past. A couple of times. A lot of things have begun to make sense now, at the same time, they don't make any sense. That can't be right. The problem of being "in a phase" is that its not just a phase-its a significant portion of your life. It cannot be ignored, not even for convenience.

I realize today that I'm a deeply scarred person. I hate to admit this. But its true. Its also very disturbing. Every single damn thing takes me back to the time where I learnt how it feels to have the phone slammed into your face. Or even actually ignored. How one begs for time when actually it should have all belonged to you. For that matter even words. And then you despise yourself to the point that you believe that you will turn a new leaf. Leap of faith. Not big enough to get you across though.

My thoughts are a little scattered. "Jaane kya chahe mann banwaraa...akhiyan mere saawan chala... " playing in the background doesn't help much. Its a beautiful song and somehow magically conveys my thoughts right now. Weird co-incidence.....

"Sajan ansuan mein kya zor hove

kya jor hove...
apne jiya pe...

mann toh maara yeh manchala...".

And unfortunately thats true.

2009-07-26T11:51:00.001-07:00

I am tired. Period.

2009-02-12T15:03:00.000-08:00

This an an after thought after a marketing class... which I'm absolutely in love with. My professor asks really simple questions, most times. Like this other day he says, "Whats the one thing you outta do when you want to try and win a war?". We stare at him for a while, and then he says, "You go in with Overwhelming Force !!!. Thats how I live my life, when I need to do something, I go in with overwhelming force. There is absolutely no chance of defeat."

True that. I guess its right. Teachers do impart words of wisdom.

Realization # 4

2009-01-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't lived in Freedom. It needs to change.

I need to do what I want.

I need to want what I do....

I swing like a pendulum...

2008-08-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

“ Whenever a system is really complicated, as in the brain or in an organized community”, Sir George Thomson has said “ indeterminacy comes in, not necessarily because of plank’s constant (h) but because to make a prediction so many things must be known that the stray consequences of studying them will disturb the status quo, which can never therefore be discovered. History is not and cannot be determinate. The supposed causes only may produce the consequence we expect.”

Now I know.... why my brain is so messed up !!! Why at one moment I want everything and at another nothing. Oscillation is not rare, its a natural phenomena I guess. The important part is the attachment to the fulcrum-the core of what we are. The reverberations may indicate restlessness as well as productive motion, but the point of suspension would always hold us in place. Like the bonds we have with certain people. No matter how hard we make it for them, no matter how far we swing, they hold us in their hearts. But I still wonder if the pendulum would ever come a full circle....

Loss of Faith

2008-06-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

That pretty much sums it up.

Randomness...

2008-04-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a while when I actually wrote down something that buzzed inside my head. Thoughts are bizzare things, they take you to realms where you don't intend to go. They question you. They constantly follow you. Even in your sleep. Right now, my existence is "Random". I came across these lines a few minutes back. I'm wondering why I never read any of the things written by Harivanshrai Bacchhan. But yes, there is something that he wrote... I liked quite a bit.

" Mitti ka tann
Masti ka mann
Shann bhar jeevan
Meraa Parichay...."

People say I don't take things seriously enough. Maybe I don't. But thats only when I don't really care. And there only very few things that I actually care about. I could use the fingers only on one of my hands to count them. I also set high standards for the people around me. And when they don't stand upto to them I stop caring. And yes, I am completely aware that I'm not perfect. Infact I also know that I'm one of the most difficult people to be with. But that isn't really my problem. Isn't it? (Note: Count the number of times I used I don't care !!)

I like jogging alone. With music in my ears. Its my best part of the day. I like floating on the water too. Staring at the sky. It creates a standstill.

I want the vodafone dog. I want him to watch the IPL matches with me. An dance with me everytime Kolkata Knight Riders win. I know thats not possible.

Its wierd how "looks" mean everything to most people.

I've gained 5 kg's in the past 4 months and I ate almost half a bottle of nutella a few minutes back. I don't feel guity. Maybe I will, when my jeans stop fitting me.

My life between 2001-2006 was crap. And I realise it only now.

My life since 2007 has been unbelievably amazing (omitting just a few months). I know the reason. This same reason could have made 2003-2006 also tolerable. But like they say, its destiny.

I dislike a lot of people. The threshold level of tolerance is the lowest in me. But I also feel, that most people are such big suck ups that they don't even have the guts to say that they dislike someone.

I'm feeling good after I wrote the previous line. I should stop writing now. Full stop!!

2008-04-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

The Damsel in distress waits for her Knight in shining armor....

2008-04-04T10:10:00.001-07:00

Simple Brilliance.

2008-04-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

This too shall pass....
And I'm gonna hang on...
Coz if I don't...
I'm gonna let go...
Let go of myself...
And all that I ever was...

2007-11-12T04:09:00.000-08:00

A feeling that changes... never existed in the first place...

Sigh...

2007-10-15T04:49:00.001-07:00

Freedom at last.....
From the ghosts of the past...

We're on the TOP of the world !!

2007-09-25T08:24:00.001-07:00

kuch kariye
kuch kariye
nuss nuss meri khaule…
hoye kuch kariye
kuch kariye
kuch kariye
buss buss bada bole…
ab kuch kariye
ho…
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye
haye..
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye

chak de…
ho chak de india
chak de…
ho chak de india

nowhere to run nowhere to hide
this is the time to do or die

goonjon mein galiyon mein
ration ki phalliyon mein
mahalon mein beejon mein
id-on mein teej-on mein
raeton ke daano mein
filmon ke gaano mein
sadkon ke gaddon mein
baaton ke addon mein
hunkara aaj bhar lein
dus baarah baar kar lein
rehna na yaar peeche
kitna bhi koi kheenche
tass hai na
mass hai ji
zidd hai to ho
zidd hai ji
pisna yuhin
pisna yuhin
pisna yuhin
bas kariye….
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye
haye..
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye
chak de…
ho chak de india
chak de…
ho chak de india

nowhere to run nowhere to hide
this is the time to do or die !!

ladtee patangon mein
bhidti umangno mein
khelon ke melon mein
balkhati railon mein
ganno ke meethe mein
phakkar mein cheente mein
dhundo to mil jaaye
patta wohi jo mein
rang aisa aaj nikhre
aur khul ke aaj bikhre
mann gaaye aisi boli
rugg rugg mein jal ke boli
tass hai na
mass hai ji
zidd hai to
zidd hai ji
pisna yuhin
pisna yuhin
pisna yuhin
bas kariye….
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye
haye..
koi to chal zidd fariye
doobe, kariye ya mariye
chak de…
ho chak de india
chak de…
ho chak de india

No words... Can't write a fancy blog this time... its a feeling that will linger in my heart and nerves all my life !!
WE WON !! :)

Junoon !!

2007-09-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

Ye mere dil mein kaisa junoon .. mann ko kyu na mile ab sukoon...

I hear screams...

Twisted contortions of my soul..

Dillagi ka junoon .. zindagi ka junoon...

Junoon , junoon, junoon , junoon ..

Junoon , junoon , junoon .. chad raha hai..

I hear screams...

Light flashes past my eyes...

Khoya sab kuch to kya hua .. paaney ka ab mujhe hai junoon..

Aansoo gar bhi milein .. hasne ka hai junoon...

I hear screams..

The thud of the heart beat in my ears...

Junoon , junoon, junoon , junoon ..

Junoon , junoon , junoon .. chad raha hai..

I hear screams...

Blood gushes to the brain...

Hai aankhoon mein junoon..hai khwaboon mein junoon ..

Sapnoo ko phir sajaye ummidon ko jagaye ye junoon ..

I hear screams...

An echo that fills up the void...

Hai baaton mein junoon ..

Har baaton mein junoon..

I hear screams...

Sweat oozes out from the pores of my skin...

Armaanon ke diye mein jaise lao phir jalaaye yeh junoon ..

I'm blinded !!

Zindagi imtehaan hai to kya .. manziloon ka mujhe hai junoon..

Sooni rahoon mein bhi .. hum safar ka junoon....

It's defeaning !!

Junoon , junoon, junoon , junoon ..

Insomnia...

Junoon , junoon , junoon .. chad raha hai..

Coz I hear screams...

of the strangled...

unfulfilled DREAMS !!

The HUNT for the Hottest Face !!

2007-08-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

It was the season finale of [V] Get Gorgeous today.. and like I thought the winner is........................................... RACHEL !! She deserves it bigtime !!
Reasons:
Confidence
More Confidence
And more confidence...
Loads of it...

Her final words on her victory... "If you think you are nobody.. then that turns out to be true. Today I feel like this fairy.. with little wings.. its one of those perfect stories that you read in the books.. I feel I'll snap my fingers and it'll all be gone..." And then you see a sparkling smile on her face.. and glitter in her eyes...

*sigh*

Its true... There is no downside to winning... it feels forever fabulous !!

Picture Courtesy: www.vindia.com

WOW !!

2007-08-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts spring into my mind... an afterthought... Chak De is simply Brilliant. Period.

We don't have a single multiplex or an Inox in Jamshedpur( though its the second city in India after Bangalore to have an ISO14001 certification), facts aside, you need gutts to go watch a movie here. The ticket is just 25 bucks, you sit beside gunda's and mawali's, and most times you end up hearing them yell their lungs out for three hours, you get the buzz effect in the head, an after effect of all the noise. Nevertheless, as they say beggars cant be choosers, here, no one can stop movie lovers, even if you have to be a part of such a crowd. The last movie I watched out here was Shootout at Lokhandwaala, where people got up from their seats and shook their legs on sexy item numbers. I had waited a long long long time for this movie to release. I couldn't miss it ! No way ! So here I take a deep breath on a bright Sunday morning, and tell my mom.. Lets GO !! Phew !!

As expected, the first sight at the cinema hall is a huge queque of paan chewers, paan spitters, gaalee givers, seetee maarers etc. Its pretty normal if you walk into the theatre and a million guys yell out at you.. Kya item hai baap !! Jharkhand Unlimited !! I mean after all these years in the city.. I've started taking these things positively.. infact a comment like this illicits the reaction in my brain.. OH COOL !! So I'm an item ! Wowie !! Shilpa Shetty here I come ! But this sunday it was crowded !! Too crowded !! All there to watch King Khan. So before the movie begins they show Madhuri Dixit's next release ka trailor-"aaja nach le". And the bhai log go crazy !! They whistle like people from the guiness book of world records are here to record the greatest decibel sound created by humans on earth. My mom is like-"ho gaya.. film sirf dekhne ke liye milegee... kuch sunne nai waalaa.. aur agar mila bhi toh yahan se bahar nikalkar kuch nai sunega.. tab tak bahre ho jaayenge!" I said-"Mom chill pill. SRK is gonna be here. Letch at him and do some time pass".

The movie begins. The guy behind me almost jumps on my seat. I say-"Bhaiya koodna band kijeye". His friends go like-" Hahahahahahahah... abbe tere ko bhaiya boli!!" And after what seemed like a million years of laughter I start concentrating on the main thing. And here is where things begin to change. I realise that its fun watching the movie with these wierd guys. I felt I was sitting in a stadium watching the match live. They would applaud at every goddamn scene and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then comes the scene... Mc Donalds.. gals start beating up guys.. just when I think the that super male ego of the movie watchers is gonna be hurt.. I hear screams..."Balbir Kaur !! Sunny Deol !! Maaro saalon ko". Wow so they appreciate gals beating up guys? awesome !! And then comes SRK with the best dialogue of the movie-"Mard ki tarah aage se waar kar, waise bhi humari hockey mein chakke nai hote!!" *whistles, screaming etc etc*

It was some experience, clapping like crazy, yelling out in the hockey matches, going mad during the penalty shoot out !! It was a virtual reality. I'm in love with the movie. A great credit goes to those mawaalee's sitting behind me.. thank you guys, for being so full of life. But then don't take panga ever okay? Who knows I might have a Balbir Kaur inside me. :)

Amused !!

2007-08-01T23:18:00.000-07:00

List of Happenings that amused me in the past few days :

1. IIMB went Public with its Admission Strategy ! Its celebration time for Geeks !! (http://youthcurry.blogspot.com/2007/07/iim-bangalore-and-order-of-admissions.html)

2. Sanjay Dutt got a Six Year long imprisonment under the Arms ACT. What the Hell !! Herez how Farookh Abdullah reacted to the sentence: "Aap Kabhi meri saltanat mein aakar dekiye.. kitne logon ke paas bandookein hain aur license bhi nahin" !! Very True !! I reserve the right to comment on the Indian Legal System.

3. Amitabh Bacchan is trying to prove that he is a farmer !! Ha Ha.

4. Dera Sacchaa Baba is a pervert. * well I anyways didn't have a high opinion about sardars. Mind you .. you cannot question my secular views.. I'm a SURD too !!*

5. Anu Mallik and Alisha Chinnoi Dog Fights on Indian Idol !! * and I thought I had a huge ego sigh*

6. INDIA TV !! Its crazier than ever !! I wont be surprised if their team entered my home one day to catch a tiny argument between me and my Bro... And would go like....
"Breaking News !! Blah Blah Blah.......... Yuck !!

2007-07-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Trapped inside my own body..

I look upto the stars..

A pair of wings..

And my heart sings..

Freedom can I make you mine?

How does victory taste?

Or are you merely running through the streets in haste?

Dreams covered in a shroud..

Or a tear that falls from a cloud..

How shallow is the descent?

From ecstasy to torment…

Do you also shed your skin…

Metamorphosis of thoughts..

Did you ever wrap up a heart in a brown paper package..

Dispose off in a bin?

Does it matter?

Let moments of your life scatter…

The ground beneath my feet thrusts me forward..

I’m not what you thought I was..

Don’t find it awkward..

Neither real.. nor fiction…

My shadow is my own contradiction..

Release me..

I wasn’t made to be chained….

Erase the canvas..

Destiny is pre-ordained..

A pair of wings..

And my heart sings..

Freedom can I make you mine?

2007-07-02T23:19:00.001-07:00

And he said...
Breathe..
Let it go..
Smile..
You're with me...

Roll down... start yelling...and other 101 ways to say I Lowe You...

2007-03-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

Scene1:
(On Phone)
Guy: Lets meet? *confused...befuddled...going beserk*
Gal: Okay !! *Heh Heh...Gotcha!!*

Scene2:
(Green Grass...Blue Sky... Gentle Wind... Perrrrffffectttttt!!)
Guy: Errrrrr.....
Gal: Well... you were saying...? *grins*
Guy: Errrrrr.....
Gal: *Does he even speak*
Guy: You heard about genes right?
Gal: *DUH !!*

Guy: Well.. they behave in a certain way...
Gal: * Like I care !!* ya......
Guy: So when we analyse them... the results hold good only when validated over the period of time...
Gal: *tra laa laa*

Scene3:
(Some random road... leading to nowhere..)
Guy: *Just Do It*
Gal: *snore*
Guy: Well... I must admit that I have fallen in love with you.....
Gal: *Oh F**K !! Smiles the brightest smile.. Yeay !! Hez Mine !!*

Scene4:
(2 months later.... Gal's retort to Guy)
Gal: Clone Clone .. of my very own... With its Y chromosome changed to X... and when I'm alone...with my very own clone... we both will think of nothing but sex... *Ha Ha!!*

And they *obviously* lived happily ever after.... :)

2007-01-26T22:05:00.000-08:00

And she smiles..... :)
She smiles a lot these days.... :)

2007-01-10T05:06:00.000-08:00

There are feelings i'll never now recall..
There is a street nearby from which my footsteps are barred...
There is a mirror that has looked its last on my face...
There is a door I have closed for the final time.

2006-11-24T11:49:00.000-08:00

She....

Edge of her World...
Still...
Parched...
One gush of Air...
When was the last time She breathed?
Dead...
The first Kiss...
Light Years Away...
Motionless... Timeless...Aimless... Vacuum...
Drops of rain tickling down the skin...
Leaving Scars behind...
One touch...
Famished soul...
Searching...
Never-ending..

Petals dipped in blood...

Soaked in the scent of her love..

Edge of her World... She stands... still... searching...

Waits...

Breaks away from the mesh...

Every fiber of her body...

Screams... Screeches....

Why?

White Satin...

Black heaven...

To be Born again...

Lifetimes... Seven...

When was the last time She was Alive?

The Twinkle in His eyes...

The shadow in her own...

Waits...

Tryst with eternity...

Trinity...

To be born again...

To belong...

The First touch...

Venom in her blood...

Fire.... Burnished...

Azure blue sky...

Tormented to darkness...

When was the last time she smiled?

The echo of His voice...

Reverberation in her own...

Waits...

For Me You were the beginning...

Will You not be the End?

PAROCRITES... Parasites version 2.0

2006-09-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

Statuatory Warning: Highly Poisonous. Attack you when you are most "vulnerable". Basically if you stay in the company of such creatures you end up feeling like a Buffoon !!

Definition: PAROCRITES=PARASITES+HYPOCRITES

Salient Features:

1. Love to crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib and crib.... about nothing....
2. They love to crib about everything !!
3. Place you on a pedestal and act like your slave... when vice versa is what they actually would not mind at all !!
4. Highly negative outlook... amazingly hopeful wishful and positive interior... grossly misleading.
5. Hidden ambitions... laid back attitude at the exterior.
6. Drain out your energy trying really hard to convince you that they're worth only a penny.. and when that sinks into you... they prove the opposite... (Important to mention that million dollar smile which absolutely defies the previous notion... and makes you sing.. can't believe that i'm the fool again??)
7. In conclusion for now... they suck too !!
(The above list will soon be updated as i discover more characteristics)

BOTTOMLINE: Try and avoid them. Your world would be Happier... after all who wants to end up feeling like a buffoon ...

Resurrection

2006-09-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Lost in the gleam of his eyes....
When I had succumbed to the lies....
He held out his hand.......
Called me aboard,my dying spirit did rise...

There is a shadow lurking in my path...
I know not yet where I will take a turn.......
Sweat trickling down my face....
I'm running......I'm running......
To save myself from the "Shallow Race" !!

I believe in none but me.......
This self-faith has set me free...
"Freedom"...."Solitude"......O Blissful Earth.......
At the world's most serene corner......
Where none of you can see me.......

I love....

2006-09-08T00:29:00.000-07:00

Lilac lilies.....
Clear Blue Sky.....
White Clouds........
Golden Yellow Sunlight.....
Green Grass With dew on it.......
Saffron Colour on the Indian Flag.......
Brown Mud splashed on the windshield of my car with words scribbled on it....
Red Hearts......
Beaches with Aquamarine Water......
Pink Blushy Cheeks..
The Lightening and Thunder........
Speed.......

Just Because...

2006-08-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

Ideally.... this should have been my first post... nonetheless...... an aimless thought... why do we write down stuff at times...... what coaxes us to pick up the pen...... no great author's... or journalists... or poets...... yet so many of us.... lost in our own world of thought... why??

Tough to find answers to abstract questions....

I came across something that Jim Carrey once said..... our very own Mr. Bruce Almighty....

" I challenge anybody in their darkest moment to write what they're grateful for...even stupid little things....like the green grass or a friendly conversation with somebody on the elevator. You start to realise how rich you are...."

B-E-A utiful Thought !! Is it not ??

You Suck !!

2006-08-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

I can't stand "parasites". Loads of them swarming around. I can't bear the incompetence... insincerity... I can't stand people who suffer from the loss of responsibility...

There is a surging anger within me. Why don't all the "parasites" stick to each other and lick their own bloody ass ?? Why do they search for a prey ?? Why does the prey fall prey to them ??

Whoz gonna tell all the people- the huge big swarm of bees ready to sting...that it is important in life to stand on your own account, with your head held high...that they betray their souls.....each hour, each minute, each second of the day........they are the mortals of selfishness and shamelessness.....

I hate each and every little "PARASITE" that i've come across........ You Suck Bigtime !!!!

Those "EYES"....

2006-06-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

Those eyes.......
Full of HOPE......
Full of ANTICIPATION....
Full of FEAR......

Those hands clasped tightly in prayer.... millions of them....

ITA-0 AUS-0 TIME-89:55

TOTTI in front of the goalpost.... last 5 seconds... penalty kick.... the only bridge
between "VICTORY" and "DEFEAT" .......

And all i could see were those "EYES" ....

A nanosecond...... "Splash"......truth smeared onto the faces of the australians....they
lose... eyes full of tears....

And eyes gleaming with "pride".......with the taste of victory.....with happiness..... TOTTI running on the field.... people embracing...... euphoria..... Italy did it...

I just wonder what it's like to be in the shoes of these men....bearing the hopes of the nation they represent.... what its like to win a game...when you've almost lost it... what its like to fly on that field and see those "eyes"....that bank on you....that surrender your hope to you....

Amazing fight by the australians...... but one question here Dear God.... Didn't they pray hard enough? Why did they lose? Did you control any of it?

I guess GOD has kept the receiver off the hook...... and my time is running out....

BLACK HOLE

2006-06-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

It's the same morning....same golden rays of sun seeping in through the rainbow-coloured glass of my window.....lovely hues.... oh its blinding me....take it away.....
Why is it.....that there are days....when you wake up to see only darkness around..... darkness that wants to pull you into its realm..... like the black hole..... unending..... encapsulating...... like the matrix......"You Can Check In.... But Never Check Out......."

Maybe why i'm feeling this way today is because...i have a hangover.....i read LOVE STORY by Erich Segal last night before i dozed off..... :> Written in block letters on the cover page of the book are the lines....."LOVE means never having to say you're sorry".

Thought about it for a long time..... Why is it that we want to believe in unconditional love but never "ever" find something like that??
Does it really exist??

I have the answer to that question........YES it does....... but you'll have to venture out....delve deep into the black hole......experience pain....sorrow........loss......tears...... before you can ever find it...... I've been trying hard too..... almost from the time i lost my best friend five years back..... she left.....and with her......took away my faith....in unconditional love....

It feels like it was ages ago that it happened.....the memories are frozen....well then if they are......why am i writing down this...... because the ice melted away yesterday..... it took me a long time..... to come to terms with the reality that people... you give your life to.....can take it away from you..... and all you are left with is ...."yourself"...... it took courage on my part to start trusting people again.......with myself.......my feelings..... my fears.....and most importantly.....my "HAPPINESS".......

And BANG !!...........it happened all over again...... blood oozing out of the wound again..... unstoppable.......

I lost another friend...... and the words.......oh they were deafening......."I'm sorry if i've hurt you"!! and i thought that love meant......never having to say you are sorry..... ??

It feels that i need to begin all over again...... from the scratch..... will I be able to do it?? Will i be able to love people the same way again?? I don't know...... i wish i could get out of this black hole...... i wish i could wander around the galaxies......amidst the stars...... i wish that it never did hurt so much after all....... i wish i was a small child...... and you could bring back the smile on my face by placing a candy in my hand........ Can't help it......can I?? Have to face reality.....

That's why they say that the worst part about loving someone... is to place all your trust in that person........and then........lose it all one day.......

Destined to BE....

2006-06-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

Writing down a few lines.....from one of my favourite books.......

"It's a book that says the same thing almost all the other books in the world say," continued the old man. "It describes people's inability to choose their own destinies. And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world's greatest lie."

"What's the world's greatest lie?" the boy asked,completely surprised.

"It's this: That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's "GREATEST" lie.........."

If You Can't Cure a Man...You Can Atleast Kill him ?!!

2006-06-12T11:16:00.000-07:00

Mere Pyaare Bhaaratvaasiyon ! Our Law-Makers are all set and ready to give us.. as you say..."JHATKE PE JHATKA !!"
After the reservation hoopla, guess whats the new issue on the stand-"Should EUTHANASIA be Legalised in India ?" WHOAA ! Million Dollar question ! isn't it ?
This is a clear situation of Me against Myself ( no guys nothing to do with Jay Sean...). I say so because its really difficult to take a stand...its like one of those debates where i could speak "FOR" the topic and "AGAINST" the topic and then refute myself...
Here's an overview of what's going on in my tumultous brain...

Law Commission has sent a proposal to the Health Ministry saying that its high time now, that a country which comprises 27% of the population of the world, should take a stand on "MERCY KILLING" ( i never thought any kind of killing was merciful...sigh...anyways...)
Countries like Holland,Australia and Belgium have already legalised it...so its time for us ,too, to take a plunge..into the pool of death !! Daunting and Adventurous !! isn't it ? woo hoo !!

All of this perpetuated with the solemn demise of a terminally-ill patient Venkatesh in Hyderabad. He was on a life support system for quite sometime and when asked he said that his last wish was to be "put to death" so that he could donate his organs. But Alas ! According to the current law which states that this is possible only when the patient is declared "DEAD" by the doctors, his wish could not be fulfilled and he walked all the way to heaven...

Former Director of AIIMS, says that keeping a patient on a life-support system is neither sound care nor compassion and that the the law makers should take into account all the safeguards before putting such a thing on the Indian Constitution.
The question here is: "WHO PLAYS GOD ??"
Its not a game...make some rules...decide who wins...and who dies??
Are we ready to trust the same crazy people who have imposed an unfair reservation policy??

I personally believe that this law sends the entire concept of "MEDICINE" down the drains..
A question to all you doctors out there....the "HIPPOCRATUS" oath that you take..."I will not administer any lethal drug to my patient...." Whats your new oath going to be like ??

"I WILL TRY MY BEST BUT IF I CAN'T TO ANYTHING ABOUT IT ... I WILL PUT MY PATIENT TO REST !!" Amen.....THE END !!

I ask you....with what faith will your patients approach you? And with what conscience will you convert yourselves into "butchers"?

Being a biomedical engineer myself, i totally refuse to not believe in the "miracles" of medicine. Remember that advertisement that flashed on television some years back..." AIDS jeewan ka anth nahin...iske saath bhi hum jee saktein hain..."
How many of you filled up buckets with your salty tears while watching the movie "my brother Nikhil"? Did you want him to die? Rather i should ask...Did you want him to be "put to death"?

Life is precious people... i know this statement is cliched but thats all i can think right now when i visualise the scenario where i see the doctors turning into "Brutal Murderers" and hospitals to "Morgues"....

"Life is REAL ! Life is Earnest !
And the grave is not its goal...
Dust Thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul...."

River Of Fire....

2006-06-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

When we meet certain people,there is a chord in us which tells us that some familiar memory of a long gone era has been touched...

We do not try to be close, in fact we don't do anything at all. Things move so smoothly as if they have been laid out by a more intelligent being. We depart with the same smoothness....

Do we meet to part or part to meet ? What is the need to part ? Why is it so Important ?

Friends... family...lovers....even at times... nations.... part....

Are we fishes in a stream,moving along different contours yet in the same water with the same companion in hope of a greater world and in fear of being caught by the cruel beast... MAN ??